When to Confront An Employee, The Rule of Three
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The Rule of Three is not a Sherlock Holmes story but a management tip. Peter Bregman recently wrote an article in the Harvard Business Review about a common problem in the work place - when to confront a subordinate. He starts with the narrative from manager, Mike, who has an employee , Anne, who had done a few things to frustrate him. She arrived late to a meeting with a client. Not that late - only ten minutes — still, it didn't look good. Then, a few days later, she was supposed to email him some information by 4pm and didn't do it until 6pm. It was not a big deal. He didn't really need it until the next morning and then in the morning he received a voicemail from her saying she wouldn't be able to make the conference call they had planned with a colleague in another office. The call was an internal matter. Nothing time sensitive. But she didn't give him a reason and that bothered Mike. "None of these things are a big deal," Mike told Bregman, "And she's a great employee. But I'm annoyed. Should I say something or shrug it off?"
Bregman has a rule for dealing with these types of situations — times when he's not sure if it's worth raising an issue.The first time someone does something that makeshim feel uncomfortable, he notices it. The second time,, he acknowledges that the first time was not an isolated event or an accident but a potential pattern and he begins to observe more closely and plan his response. The third time? The third time he always speaks to the person about it. He calls it his rule of three.
Bregman wrote, "If you come late to a meeting once, I notice. Three times? I bring it up. The first time you demonstrate a lack of teamwork, I notice. The third time? I need to better understand your commitment to the group. I always say some version of, "I've noticed something three times and I want to discuss it with you."
Three is a good rule of thumb because it allows you to act with confidence that it's not all in your head. And in these situations, confidence is critical to your ability to speak with authority. "So," Mike said to Bregman after he explained my rule of three, "are you saying I should talk to her about it?"
"I can't help but notice you've asked me that same question three times," Bregman said. "What do you think?"
Good advice we all will have occasion to use.
